I Am Still Mad At The Last Chevrolet Monte Carlos

EmersonHart13

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https://jalopnik.com/i-am-still-mad-at-the-last-chevrolet-monte-carlos-1822213351



The Chevrolet Monte Carlo is dead now. Nobody can hurt it anymore, and it can’t hurt me. But dammit, the last generations of Monte Carlo were sad front-wheel drive pretenders and it still makes me mad and I can’t get over it.

(The pictures here show, primarily, the next-to-last Chevrolet Monte Carlo. The final years got an extremely sad facelift. I hate them deeply, but I spent most of my intense years of Monte Carlo disappointment facing the blobby-headlight ones seen here.)

Growing up, I was a hopeless nostalgic. I probably still am, but when it came to cars I was absolutely stuck in the past. I longed to drive a first-gen Monte Carlo, big V8 and super clean styling. I’d see one every so often roll through my town, thanks to rust being largely non-present in the Central Valley.

Every time I saw an old Monte Carlo, I would dream of myself behind the wheel, doing a burnout that would take me clear over the Sierra Nevadas, off to somewhere, something else.


Every time I saw a then-new Monte Carlo, that old dream would break. There would be no giant, endless burnouts with smoke drifting behind me. There would be angry, aimless front-wheel-drive burnouts, with smoke pouring into my face. The dream me would cough. The real me would get mad.

Now, I know that it’s not new to complain about NASCAR not actually being stock car racing, but this is all dredging old feelings and dammit god dammit this Monte Carlo isn’t even rear-wheel drive it’s not like the race car just uargh why is America like this why can’t we make something like back in the day.


I wouldn’t even have minded the car so much if it didn’t actively remind me how much better it could be. The name alone was a callback to a better car, and the roaring, custom-chassis, V8, rear-drive stock car Chevy raced in NASCAR didn’t promote the Monte so much as constantly point out at me that the ones I’d see on the street would never be cool. The SS ones. The Intimidator versions! How dare they.


It felt like the cars were trolling me. Me! Me personally. It wasn’t even GM that I was mad at. I was mad at each individual front-drive Monte Carlo. They knew, in their mechanical hearts, that I liked old cars, and these sadsack new era GMers taunted me parading a vintage name on a soppy it-could-have-been-called-a-Lumina.


I know now that a W-Body Monte Carlo (as all the Monte Carlos were from 1994 to the end at 2007) was probably a better-built and better-handling vehicle than those first, wallowy Monte Carlos ever were. I’ve come around to front-wheel drive in the years since my first thoughts about cars. I even kind of like the idea of getting my hands on one of the final 2006-2007 SSes that came with a LS V8, 303 horsepower, mounted sideways in the car. An overpowered front-wheel drive boat is more fun than the young me would have ever imagined.


I could have cast the past aside. I could have become this guy. I could have stopped caring, let my heart cool.

But those years and years and years of front-drive Montes felt like a crushing weigh and disappointment about America as a whole, sad and unambitious and just loping along, without the spark of more fiery early days. What a bastard.
[MENTION=750]RICH17[/MENTION]

:rich17:
 

ilikemtb999

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I could never get behind that body style Monte Carlo. The Grand Prix and regal looked so good and the monte was just :puke:
 

DEEZUZ

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I think they looked good as hell...

I just can't over the white trash Nascar gays that would have the white walls on them and think they were in a race
 

Dan00Hawk

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Any time one of those comes in for an appraisal at my dealership, it typically smells like stale cigarettes, cheap booze, and even cheaper cologne. And the guy driving it usually has an "I really miss the 80's" vibe about him.
 

RICH17

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I never like the 2000-05 Monte's either. But yea, fat FWD underpowered and then overpowered and total junk.


Still loved the Lumina tho. Thing was a tank, cheap and easy to fix and mod, and treated me well for many years. Even if it was junk
 

Marko

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I like the 1980s Monte Carlos
 

boostedguy05

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my first car was a 98 monte z34. loved that thing while i had it.
 

Outlaw

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I always liked them. I'd daily drive the shit out of one, or most W-body cars for that matter.
 

DEEZUZ

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.....Joo like gtp.....
 

Outlaw

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:rofl:

I actually like that body style more than the newer one. Plus comes with a life time supply of skoal in the trunk
Dude same... My first car was almost a Red on black 1997 Monte Carlo. Ended up with an 01 Regal LS because it was the same price four years newer lol.
 

Mike K

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I must be the outlier here. I don't think any of the W bodies have aged gracefully. Maybe the last gen Grand Prix but the 97-03's all look tired and they all have that warped front bumper cover thing going on where there's like 9 inches of gap between the bumper and the headlight.
 

EmersonHart13

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I must be the outlier here. I don't think any of the W bodies have aged gracefully. Maybe the last gen Grand Prix but the 97-03's all look tired and they all have that warped front bumper cover thing going on where there's like 9 inches of gap between the bumper and the headlight.
I agree.
 

Yaj Yak

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I must be the outlier here. I don't think any of the W bodies have aged gracefully. Maybe the last gen Grand Prix but the 97-03's all look tired and they all have that warped front bumper cover thing going on where there's like 9 inches of gap between the bumper and the headlight.
hey i know what fuck you
 

Outlaw

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Riv still wins for me for favorite W-body, followed by the Pre-97 Park Avenue (nothing to do with style, all comfort based)

 

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