Christmas gift giving stresses and proper protocol
- Thread starter Eagle
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I'm in the exact same situation. I proposed just a month ago and that completely changed Christmas due to wedding planning and saving up cash for it. This year we set the expectation to all the family and friends that this year is just stocking suffers and small gifts.
yeah any time she gives a gift to me I never jump up and down and post it all over the internet and brag about it to everyone so she feels like I don't like it. When I get something new I'm excited about I open it up and just want to set it up and use it ASAP. Thats about it. Well usually at some point I stop to take a shit and grab instructions read.. then continue to set it up... lol
I almost feel like the minimal stress we’ve had so far locking in our venue, photographers and bar service has been much less than the usual “what do I get her for Christmas” stress.
Planning has been relatively stress free for me except for how its all gong to be paid for. She already has a venue, food, bar, what everyone is going to wear, various Parties and all planned with dates ready to lock down. Shes been working on it for the past year. lol. She is only worried about the Photographer. I have enjoyed Photography as a hobby for since Film was a ting in the mid 90s so I'll be a bit picky if the photographer doesn't know his shit and We've been to a few weddings where the "Professional" photographer showed up with an entry level DSLR and a kit lens and a 50mm prime and stood in one place the whole ceremony... the photos were complete shit.
She has put soo much into the wedding planning we've not decorated anything for Christmas.. lol. not even a tree!
It is quite sad how much of a monetary transaction Christmas has become.
I'm bad about buying whatever I want throughout the year so when it came to this Christmas my fiancee and I just asked for grocery cards or clothes.
We got slammed with lots of medical bills and are a little over extended right now so that is the most useful for us. I'm hoping if we can get caught up by not having to worry about grocery shopping or household things for a month or two that is the best Christmas present of all.
I agree with most in the thread though that anything worthwhile is in the ~$100+ range and it just isn't feasible to make everyone happy. The amount of things I get that never get opened or just thrown away is sickening.
I'm bad about buying whatever I want throughout the year so when it came to this Christmas my fiancee and I just asked for grocery cards or clothes.
We got slammed with lots of medical bills and are a little over extended right now so that is the most useful for us. I'm hoping if we can get caught up by not having to worry about grocery shopping or household things for a month or two that is the best Christmas present of all.
I agree with most in the thread though that anything worthwhile is in the ~$100+ range and it just isn't feasible to make everyone happy. The amount of things I get that never get opened or just thrown away is sickening.
The way I USED to do gifts was by buying people what I know they'd love. They won't know what I bought until they open the gift. I had no limits. Back in the day when the Wii came out and was real hard to get. I got lucky and found one at a store, bought it, and gave it to a friend as an Xmas gift. Got his wife a designer purse that costed just as much. (I was even going to get her a Tiffany & Co necklace).
I didn't care back then as to what I spent so long as I could afford to get it. Now, since I'm married and have a family, things are different.
For my in laws, we get what we think they'd like. We don't necessarily have a limit for them. They've helped us out so many times that we feel we owe it to them. My mother in law has been asking for a new appliance. Guess what my wife and I got her? The appliance she's been asking for, for the past year or so. Family in Texas.... I send out Chicago food to them. Mainly Portillo's or Giordano's. They love the food, so we like to send a little "home" food to them. My nieces and nephew over there we tend to set a limit, but since we don't see them all the time we don't mind if we go over that limit.
My wife's nieces (the two oldest) we try getting them a lot of stuff what they need/request. They're both in college, and they are like daughters to us (we're better parents than their dad is).
My older brother and his family.... We don't get anything for them. Who knows how many times my wife and I got them stuff and they don't even get our daughter anything. We've invited them to our first daughter's baby shower and they never came nor gave a gift (despite insisting on getting us something). We finally got tired of it and just stopped. My brother in law..... We go cheap with him and his family. We get the kids a lot of small things but now cut back on what we get my brother in law and his wife. They ALWAYS cheap out and give me something they get for free or dirt cheap (usually a Gillette razor) and yet every year my wife and I always spent money on getting them some nice stuff. We finally got sick of that as well. So now we go cheap on them as they take advantage. We feel it's unappreciated, and they don't even try so why bother.
I didn't care back then as to what I spent so long as I could afford to get it. Now, since I'm married and have a family, things are different.
For my in laws, we get what we think they'd like. We don't necessarily have a limit for them. They've helped us out so many times that we feel we owe it to them. My mother in law has been asking for a new appliance. Guess what my wife and I got her? The appliance she's been asking for, for the past year or so. Family in Texas.... I send out Chicago food to them. Mainly Portillo's or Giordano's. They love the food, so we like to send a little "home" food to them. My nieces and nephew over there we tend to set a limit, but since we don't see them all the time we don't mind if we go over that limit.
My wife's nieces (the two oldest) we try getting them a lot of stuff what they need/request. They're both in college, and they are like daughters to us (we're better parents than their dad is).
My older brother and his family.... We don't get anything for them. Who knows how many times my wife and I got them stuff and they don't even get our daughter anything. We've invited them to our first daughter's baby shower and they never came nor gave a gift (despite insisting on getting us something). We finally got tired of it and just stopped. My brother in law..... We go cheap with him and his family. We get the kids a lot of small things but now cut back on what we get my brother in law and his wife. They ALWAYS cheap out and give me something they get for free or dirt cheap (usually a Gillette razor) and yet every year my wife and I always spent money on getting them some nice stuff. We finally got sick of that as well. So now we go cheap on them as they take advantage. We feel it's unappreciated, and they don't even try so why bother.
Wifey categorically REFUSES to purchase gift cards as they demonstrate laziness and lack of caring in her mind.
So you're complaining that the other person gave you free gas?
To be honest the holiday is so warped, everyone is lucky to be getting anything if at all anymore.
that's 100% what i was doing
receiving gifts sucks
don't get me anything ever.
fuck the world.
I was making a point, I am fortunate and grateful to receive anything. It's awesome.
What I was getting at is when you give someone $50, chances are they are not getting themselves anything "extra" instead of a thoughtful gift, they paid a chunk of their phone bill, or got groceries. It's not like you're behooving them something thoughtful.
do something. think of something. photo books, canvas's, etc. photobooks are AWESOME for thoughtful gifts and so ridiculously easy to make and gift.
What I was getting at is when you give someone $50, chances are they are not getting themselves anything "extra" instead of a thoughtful gift, they paid a chunk of their phone bill, or got groceries. It's not like you're behooving them something thoughtful.
do something. think of something. photo books, canvas's, etc. photobooks are AWESOME for thoughtful gifts and so ridiculously easy to make and gift.
i want to stick to 30-40 range for each niece and nephew. 6 in total. wife does more on top of that as she feels fit. ugh.
siblings and their SO's. usually 30-50 each.
parients are around the same 30-50
our kids mostly get clothes and some toys. ( twins will be 3 in early april, single will be 2 late april) so to them its just a fun day to open stuff. they play with the paper and the boxes more than anything.
as for between me and the wife, i feel she buys herself what ever she wants when ever she wants and there is nothing she needs, or can tell me she wants. if i find somethign i get it but nothing is really a surprise between us usually. she always finds a way to get me somthing. this year the budget is a lot tighter adn i hope she can hold back a little. but it does not look that way.
siblings and their SO's. usually 30-50 each.
parients are around the same 30-50
our kids mostly get clothes and some toys. ( twins will be 3 in early april, single will be 2 late april) so to them its just a fun day to open stuff. they play with the paper and the boxes more than anything.
as for between me and the wife, i feel she buys herself what ever she wants when ever she wants and there is nothing she needs, or can tell me she wants. if i find somethign i get it but nothing is really a surprise between us usually. she always finds a way to get me somthing. this year the budget is a lot tighter adn i hope she can hold back a little. but it does not look that way.
Different trains of thought. Useless trinkets are a waste of $$ imho and many of the kids I buy for are happy with cash because they can get a video game with it. Adults are happy because it goes towards something they wanted to get for their house at menards
A card is thoughtful enough in these scenarios (with something genuine and hand written)
I mean if people are being picky about what their receiving, and people are constantly worried about what they are giving those are the people way too obsessed with the holiday and need to chill.
This whole discussion just reminds me how holidays are spread out over the year in intervals to keep consumers spending.
we usually do this for the older kids on my side.ages 19,15,12 girls, and age 17 boy
the girls they have my sister, their dad (they split up) my parients, his parients, great grand parients on each side, maybe uncles on his side, not sure how involved they are. and me that all buy for them. its hard to create a list big enough for everyone to pick and choose from without duplicating anything.
Boy is a little easier as he has my parients, grandma on his dads side, maybe his dad (but this past few years they have grown apart)(my parients have full custody when his mom ran away), my sister and me. so he gets gamestop gift card or video games, or playstation card.
Buy gifts for parents, sibling and significant other around $100, no adult to adult gifts outside that. Both sides of the fam do a grab bag for usually $50. I always end up finding some little odds and ends to add onto gifts like candy and tchotchkes for a few bucks but it comes out to about $500 all together.
Getting older, I care less and less about “stuff” and more about spending time with fam.
Getting older, I care less and less about “stuff” and more about spending time with fam.
I am tired of stuff.
Now that I think about it... my mom has lost the past 2 Christmas gifts I bought her. Two years ago her and my dad had just really gotten into those CrossFit classes and she mentioned needing new workout clothes so I got her a gift card... because I’m not buying my mother anything spandex. She lost the gift card. Then last year she had liked my girlfriends winter coat so I spent quite a bit on a similar knee length Northface down jacket, and a few weeks ago she tells me she doesn’t know where it is. I’m not sure how you lose a winter coat.
I love Christmas (the snow, the lights, the music, the food), but I hate gift giving/receiving. I can't seem to win. I have no clue what my family wants, so I try my best to get em what I think they'll like. They don't use it, I feel like shit because I don't know them well enough or something. They get me what they think I'd like, I do not like it at all, never use it, and then I feel like shit myself because I didn't use what they got me. Cash doesn't work because if everyone gave each other cash, you'd just be like, I gave him $50 and he gave me $100, I'm out $50. Or, we each gave each other $50, so really, we got nothing. Gift cards are terrible gifts because they're inferior to money, and I already discussed that problem. So here we are. I now just get people what I get em, hope they like it, and end up secretly disappointed when I realize later that they don't. Meanwhile I pretend to be happy with whatever I get, and then never use it and feel like a piece of shit.
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