Raccoon watch
- Thread starter Mook
- Start date
I know it's a separate animal, but I had an encounter last night with a cousin of the raccoon. I was putting out the garbage, and I thought our pug was outside with me. I saw something walking towards me out of the corner of my eye. It was one of those horrible looking possums. The thing was huge!
Oh yes... They can. These fuckers will climb up anything (trees, hacienda's, other structures), get on your roof, then with their claws pull up you flashing around bathroom vents, get in there, nest, then you're really fucked when a momma gives birth.
Years back, around 3am, all the sudden I'd hear this thump, thump, thump across our roof, waking the kids, go out and sure as shit, there is a fat bastard racoon on the roof. I'd shoot bastard with my pellet gun to get him off the roof.
Well, turns out my neighbor across the way was also having issues with him/them (they live in the fucking sewers). So we commiserated, and started to control the raccoon population ourselves. He'd just shoot them with his .22. If I had an issue, I'd flash the bat signal (my big LED light), at his front window and he'd come out and he'd shoot the damn thing. Thing is, you gotta get them right between the eyes, otherwise they have too much "fluff" to really make much of a difference. Which isn't hard to do because they're fucking stupid too. Shine the light at them and they stare right at it. BAM! Done.
Years back, around 3am, all the sudden I'd hear this thump, thump, thump across our roof, waking the kids, go out and sure as shit, there is a fat bastard racoon on the roof. I'd shoot bastard with my pellet gun to get him off the roof.
Well, turns out my neighbor across the way was also having issues with him/them (they live in the fucking sewers). So we commiserated, and started to control the raccoon population ourselves. He'd just shoot them with his .22. If I had an issue, I'd flash the bat signal (my big LED light), at his front window and he'd come out and he'd shoot the damn thing. Thing is, you gotta get them right between the eyes, otherwise they have too much "fluff" to really make much of a difference. Which isn't hard to do because they're fucking stupid too. Shine the light at them and they stare right at it. BAM! Done.
I can see the headlines now. “Florida man shot himself in the foot with an arrow after being bit by a rabid raccoon”
Ha Ha! Good ones.
I wouldn't miss. Doubt my neighbor would either. He bow hunts and practices in his back yard almost every day. I hear the "Thunk" of his small backstop on every shot. If he shoots it, he cleans it up so I'm hoping he gets it first.
He called animal control and they laughed at him. "A raccoon? You want us to come out for a raccoon? We're busy with alligators and snakes. Most people shoot them themselves. You're new to Florida, ain't you?"
I wouldn't miss. Doubt my neighbor would either. He bow hunts and practices in his back yard almost every day. I hear the "Thunk" of his small backstop on every shot. If he shoots it, he cleans it up so I'm hoping he gets it first.
He called animal control and they laughed at him. "A raccoon? You want us to come out for a raccoon? We're busy with alligators and snakes. Most people shoot them themselves. You're new to Florida, ain't you?"
I didnt think you would be able to discharge a firearm in a neighborhood like that. Then again I dont know the guns laws of each town. Just thought it was a common thing around here.
Yea, not worried. You've never broken any rules in your villa?
Here's the problem. Well, the mistake we made the first time.
The fucker was on the roof. My Wife called the city. They then instructed that it was now on record and that we needed to contact animal control. Animal control comes out looks at the shithead on the roof and says;
Elgin AC: yea, you've got a raccoon...
Wife: Thanks captain fucking obvious... Get rid of it!
Elgin AC: I can't. I can only remove it if it's INSIDE the house
Wife: Well what's our options?
Elgin AC: Now that this is on record, you have to call a licensed trapper, have the trapper trap the fucking thing, take it out and release it and report back to Elgin that the fucker was not harmed.
That cost me nearly $300 to remove fuckhead #1. Yea, I could've used one of my F-I-L's traps and done it myself, but again, now that it was on record, it had to be documented and done by a licensed trapper. So the trapper came out ever day/other day to rebait the trap because these shitheads have great dexterity with their front paws. It took a week or so for him to catch it.
Removing fuckhead #2, #3, #4 and on cost me less than $.50 each time and their ritualistically buried in the wetlands behind us with a big splash.
Here's the problem. Well, the mistake we made the first time.
The fucker was on the roof. My Wife called the city. They then instructed that it was now on record and that we needed to contact animal control. Animal control comes out looks at the shithead on the roof and says;
Elgin AC: yea, you've got a raccoon...
Wife: Thanks captain fucking obvious... Get rid of it!
Elgin AC: I can't. I can only remove it if it's INSIDE the house
Wife: Well what's our options?
Elgin AC: Now that this is on record, you have to call a licensed trapper, have the trapper trap the fucking thing, take it out and release it and report back to Elgin that the fucker was not harmed.
That cost me nearly $300 to remove fuckhead #1. Yea, I could've used one of my F-I-L's traps and done it myself, but again, now that it was on record, it had to be documented and done by a licensed trapper. So the trapper came out ever day/other day to rebait the trap because these shitheads have great dexterity with their front paws. It took a week or so for him to catch it.
Removing fuckhead #2, #3, #4 and on cost me less than $.50 each time and their ritualistically buried in the wetlands behind us with a big splash.
I never knew how well they climbed until one tried to climb up in the tree stand with me. It was dark and could only see its eyes, needless to say I was shitting my pants because I didn’t know what it was and climbing my stand and at the rung where my feet where.
I just smacked it with the butt of my shotgun right between the eyes. Knocked it cold, the sun came up and it finally woke up and scampered off.
I just smacked it with the butt of my shotgun right between the eyes. Knocked it cold, the sun came up and it finally woke up and scampered off.
Thread Info
-
Created -
20Replies
-
414Views
-
Participants list
