I think they all understand now that asking me to work on a car is not bothersome at all. However, purposely asking me to do it without any of my tools and making me feel like an idiot because I can't fix it that way pisses me off.
With no tools of my own I managed to get the POS running with with the help of mangled jumper cables, a grill brush, and a cigar box full of random sockets. It was only by dumb luck though. Either the starter, the power wire to the starter, or the ground straps to the engine are bad because the jumper cables from running truck to the Olds battery seemed to make no difference in the ability to start the Olds. After letting the car sit for an hour after the 10 minute drive, it was as dead as a door nail.