Comcast/Xfinity is down nationally which means every assclown in Glenn Ellyn is stopping to ask me when it’ll be fixed. I point at one of the 5 logos on me and the giant white truck with more Death Star logos on it.
One Idiot “Is something you’re doing the reason my cable is down?”
Me “I don’t work for them (pointing at Death Star logo). Comcast is having a National outage, I have no idea when they’ll be back up.”
Irritated idiot “That’s BULLSHIT!! None of this happened until your dumbass started working on that pole!”
Me rolling my eyes. “Dumbass? Do you always start conversations by insulting people? Ya see this here pole? This here pole doesn’t have ANY cable companies on it other that mine which is a PHONE COMPANY! Not ComEd, not Comcast, not wide open west, not MCI, not Nicor JUST US!”
REALLY angry idiot “BULLSHIT, I’M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!!! I’M CALLING YOUR BOSS AND YOU’RE NOT COMING DOWN UNTIL MY CABLE IS FIXED!!!” (He starts tugging on a rope that’s attached to my belt, if he upsets my balance I’m taking the express elevator down. It’s maybe ten feet but it’ll still hurt)
Me, screaming while climbing down the pole and detaching the rope from my belt “GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF THAT ROPE OR I’LL CRACK YOUR FUCKING SKULL OPEN!!!!! ARE YOU TRYING TO FUCKING KILL ME BECAUSE YOUR FUCKING CABLE IS OUT?!?! CALL MY BOSS YOU ASSHOLE, NOW I’M CALLING THE FUCKING COPS. (I start free climbing/speed dropping down the pole) You can talk to my boss while I call the cops and tell them some jackass won’t let me come down the pole, is trying to yank me off the pole and you’re threatening me. In case you’re wondering it’s not a good idea to threaten a man that has metal spikes attached to his legs, a 3 lbs hammer and a chainsaw. OR you can listen to me when I say Comcast is having a National outage and I don’t work for them!”
Once angry now scared looking customer looking up at me while I’m standing on the ground (he’s maybe 5’5” I’m almost 6’3” in my climbing boots). “So….Um……so you don’t work for Comcast?”
Now REALLY pissed off me, chainsaw in left hand, right hand resting on hammer “No I don’t!!! That was the first fucking thing I said to you, they’re having a National outage. Now FUCK OFF!!!!!!!”
And away he went.
One of these days I’m going to catch this kind of stupidity on camera and show you all just how unbelievably dumb people are. They always seem to get me when I’m on my climbers or on a ladder and I can’t get my phone out.
Goddamn I fucking hate people!!!