3800 Rules for hunting season

slow04ss

Regular
May 29, 2008
111
0
Rockford
Based on the recent event involving the vice-president and his
questionable hunting practices, and the victim who was not following the existing rules of engagement, the following bill is proposed to clear up any questions pertaining to future harvesting of lawyers:

Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of Attorneys(BAK)

370.01 Any person with a valid in-state rodent or snake
hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sport (non-commercial) purposes.

370.02 Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted.
The use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.

370.03 Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state
health department inspection for rabies, and vermin.

370.04 The willful killing of attorneys with a motor
vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being
driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor
vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside,
and the vehicle should proceed immediately to the nearest car wash.

370.05 It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest
attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft.

370.06 It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE",
or "FREE SCOTCH" for the purposes of trapping attorneys.

370.07 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW,
Mercedes or Porsche dealerships, except on Wednesday afternoon.

370.08 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200
yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs,
hospitals or brothels.

370.09 If an attorney gains elective office, it is not
necessary to have a license to hunt, trap or possess the same.

370.10 It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise
as a reporter, drugdealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident
victim, bookie, physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the
purpose of hunting attorneys.

370.11 Bag and Possession Limits per day:

Yellow-bellied sidewinders, 2;
Two-faced tortfeasors, 1;
Back-stabbing divorce litigators, 3;
Horn-rimmed cut-throats, 2;
Minutiae-advocating dirtbags, 4.
Honest attorneys protected (see Endangered Species Act).
 
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