It's hard to believe these stories are true, but, if
they are, I don't think I'd want any of these
individuals as neighbors...
ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu
that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken
McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We
don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at
the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have
six, nine, or twelve," Was the reply. "So I can't
order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So shook my head and ordered six
McNuggets.
TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with a few
items and the lady behind me put her things on the
belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
"dividers" that they keep by the cash register and
placed it between our things so they wouldn't get
mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items,
she picked up the "divider," looking it all over for
the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the
bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this
is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't
think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid
her for the things and left. She had no clue to what
had just happened.
THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into
her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she
was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for
a credit card number, so she was using the ATM
"thingy."
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside
her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She
replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to
this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my
car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant
convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing
it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and
manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you
drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a
long walk."
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too
swift. One day she was typing and turned to a
secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.
What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took her
last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large
motor home was towed into the garage. The front of
the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole
thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I
asked the manager what had happened. He told me that
the driver had set the "Cruise Control" and then went
in the back to make a tuna sandwich.
SEVEN
My neighbor works in the operations department in
the central office of a large bank. Employees in the
field call him when they have problems with their
computers. One night he got a call from a woman in
one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've
got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you
guys have a fire downtown?"
EIGHT
Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by
placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it
with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's
lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed
the copy button each time they thought the suspect
wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector"
was working, the suspect confessed.
NINE
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher
if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room,
the kid was eating ants, the dispatcher tells her to
give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the
mother says, I just gave him some ant killer...
Dispatcher: Rush him in to Emergency!
Stupid people shouldn't breed.
Life is Tough. It's Tougher if you're Stupid."
they are, I don't think I'd want any of these
individuals as neighbors...
ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu
that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken
McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We
don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at
the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have
six, nine, or twelve," Was the reply. "So I can't
order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So shook my head and ordered six
McNuggets.
TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with a few
items and the lady behind me put her things on the
belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
"dividers" that they keep by the cash register and
placed it between our things so they wouldn't get
mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items,
she picked up the "divider," looking it all over for
the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the
bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this
is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't
think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid
her for the things and left. She had no clue to what
had just happened.
THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into
her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she
was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for
a credit card number, so she was using the ATM
"thingy."
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside
her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She
replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to
this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my
car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant
convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing
it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and
manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you
drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a
long walk."
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too
swift. One day she was typing and turned to a
secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.
What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took her
last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large
motor home was towed into the garage. The front of
the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole
thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I
asked the manager what had happened. He told me that
the driver had set the "Cruise Control" and then went
in the back to make a tuna sandwich.
SEVEN
My neighbor works in the operations department in
the central office of a large bank. Employees in the
field call him when they have problems with their
computers. One night he got a call from a woman in
one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've
got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you
guys have a fire downtown?"
EIGHT
Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by
placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it
with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's
lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed
the copy button each time they thought the suspect
wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector"
was working, the suspect confessed.
NINE
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher
if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room,
the kid was eating ants, the dispatcher tells her to
give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the
mother says, I just gave him some ant killer...
Dispatcher: Rush him in to Emergency!
Stupid people shouldn't breed.
Life is Tough. It's Tougher if you're Stupid."
