THE FIRST AFFAIR
>A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their
>passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made
>passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell
>asleep, awakening around 8:00 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he
>told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass
>and dirt.
>Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove
>home.
>"Where have you been!" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
>"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my
>secretary, and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and
>didn't wake up until 8:00 p.m."
>The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've
>been playing golf!!"
THE SECOND AFFAIR
>There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage
>daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always
>wanted.
>After months of trying, the wife finally became pregnant, and sure
>enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later.
>The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took
>one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He
>went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be the father
>of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he
>gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
>The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time"!
THE THIRD AFFAIR
>A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the
>dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he
>examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made
>an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the longest private part he had
>ever seen!
>"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said the mortician, "but I can't send you off
>to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has
>to be saved for posterity." With that, the mortician used his tools to
>remove the dead man's schlong. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and
>took it home.
>The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to show
>you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.
>"Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwarz is dead!"
THE FOURTH AFFAIR
>Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by
>his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her
>praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up, and his pale lips
>began to move slightly. "Becky, my darling," he whispered.
>"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."
>He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice. "I have something
>that I must confess."
>"There isn't anything to confess, "replied the weeping Becky,
>"everything's alright, go to sleep."
>"No, no, I must die in peace, Becky. I... I slept with your sister, your
>best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
>"I know," whispered Becky, "that's why I poisoned you!"
>A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their
>passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made
>passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell
>asleep, awakening around 8:00 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he
>told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass
>and dirt.
>Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove
>home.
>"Where have you been!" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
>"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my
>secretary, and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and
>didn't wake up until 8:00 p.m."
>The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've
>been playing golf!!"
THE SECOND AFFAIR
>There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage
>daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always
>wanted.
>After months of trying, the wife finally became pregnant, and sure
>enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later.
>The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took
>one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He
>went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be the father
>of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he
>gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
>The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time"!
THE THIRD AFFAIR
>A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the
>dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he
>examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made
>an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the longest private part he had
>ever seen!
>"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said the mortician, "but I can't send you off
>to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has
>to be saved for posterity." With that, the mortician used his tools to
>remove the dead man's schlong. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and
>took it home.
>The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to show
>you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.
>"Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwarz is dead!"
THE FOURTH AFFAIR
>Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by
>his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her
>praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up, and his pale lips
>began to move slightly. "Becky, my darling," he whispered.
>"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."
>He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice. "I have something
>that I must confess."
>"There isn't anything to confess, "replied the weeping Becky,
>"everything's alright, go to sleep."
>"No, no, I must die in peace, Becky. I... I slept with your sister, your
>best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
>"I know," whispered Becky, "that's why I poisoned you!"
