3800 something to offend everyone!

tommmy3

Regular
Dec 19, 2008
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:eek: SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART I :eek:


1. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan-on-Juan.


2. What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.


3. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The position of
the dirt bag.


4. Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.


5. What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? One US leader.


6. What do you see when the Pillsbury-Dough-Boy bends over? Doughnuts.


7. Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not
getting any.


8. Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely? Because Janet Reno is her real
father.


9. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room
together? 100 people who don't do dick.


PART 2


1. What do you call a smart blond? A golden retriever.


2. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.


3. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs.


4. What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes.


5. How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit
there in the dark and bitch.


6. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp
knife.


7. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.


8. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.


9. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a
year, the dog is still excited to see you.


10. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same
urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.


11. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the
biggest boobs? The blonde, because she's 18.


12. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have
cotton balls.


PART 3


1. What's the Cuban National Anthem? "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"


2. Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.


3. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They
named him "Sum Ting Wong"


4. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
other? A speech impediment.


5. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half-mast? They're hiring.


6. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A
southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along
with... "A recipe".


7. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the "F" word? Get
another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO!


8. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a >time..." A southern
fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."


9. My, my, how times have changed. Years ago...When 100 white men chased
one black man, we called it the Ku Klux Klan; today they call it the PGA
TOUR.


10. Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one's tall enough to go on the
good rides


13. What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the
pricks on the outside.


14. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you
sure it's mine?"


15. What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? BeerNuts are
$1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.


16. Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.


17. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia? Everyone has the
same DNA.


18. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have
eyes.


19. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo."


20. Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only
on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the
Sex Ed class uses it.
 
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