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I have a specific set of headphones i take when i head to the shitter at work(gotta keep it clean), put on some Youtube and no fucks, blow that shit up.
Doesnt it get messy when you stand up....especially when you've got a clinger?
How else are you supposed to wipe? Sticking your hand meer inches from poo water?
Still doesn't explain the standing wipe. There's just no way you can do a standing wipe.