Found Birthparents... Nervous As Fuck

ChrisRac

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I know I've posted in here before about trying to track someone down but I finally fucking did it. After 26 years of searching for her, I finally found my birth mother a couple days before Christmas. One of the first questions I asked her was "Who's my Daddy?"

With the information she gave me, 4 days later, I found my birth father.

What I'm nervous about is on Wednesday, my wife and I are flying down to Seattle and she's flying up from southern Oregon to meet first the first time.

Shits crazy. Never in my life did I think I would find her. Not to mention him... both in the same fucking week.

Any tips?
 

importcrew

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Just take things easy and slow. I'm sure you'll be fine. I know you already have been talking to your birth mother, but I'm sure when you meet in person you may have even more questions you might want to ask. You'll have your wife for support if you need it and don't hesitate to go to your wife if you do.

You got this Chris.
 

Fish

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I can only imagine emotions running crazy, but try to keep it calm and tamper expectations. I dont know the whole scenario, but Ive tried a bit to find my dad, but after awhile, I gave up and realized if he wanted to be around, he would have been. While you are steps beyond what I tried, I thought it out if I ever had the day to meet him, my end thought was to keep expectations low and avoid disappointment.

Then again, this was years ago, and I dont know what I would do now. Plus Ive been working on being more positive, so new advice. Go in as a meeting and see what transpires. Worse case scenario, you get information about family history and where you come from and leave it at that. Best case scenario, you get to send more Christmas cards out in December and new people to text and talk to once and awhile. :rofl:
 

Lord Tin Foilhat

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At the minimum, maybe ask about family health history. I know that can be very helpful in determining future issues for yourself and children.

Maybe ask what happened around your birth for them to make their decision, to help you with any closure?

Just approach it with an open heart and patience and I'm sure you'll come out fine and with some new answers/questions.
 

BrianG

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That's exciting! Happy for you in being able to complete your search. Are you meeting your father also on this trip, or just your mother? If it were me in the same position, I'd just be curious of the whole situation from how my mother and father met, through the process of adoption, all the way to present day and whether or not they have ever wanted to find me. I can't even imagine the emotions you're having though, and that might be a tough conversation to have. Good luck!!!
 

Blownbyyou

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Sorry I'm just now seeing this. Banned from the group and banning him from the site.

Can you ban him from procreating as well? Sorry had too.


But back on topic, good luck and just take everything slow. There are going to be millions of emotions going on. Try and process them slowly, also I would suggest not drinking during the trip as that can cause you to do or say something you might regret (good or bad)
 

CuzzinOlaf

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Find out if you might actually be Italian! Kidding aside, congrats man. I can think of a whole long list of questions but it is really on you as to how you want this to turn out. Stay positive throughout and figure out what you want to come out of this and then go from there. Like someone said, write down all the possible questions that are coming to mind and figure out if they're appropriate for this meeting or the next.
 

Blood on Blood

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A lot of great advice.

Depending on how the face to face goes, gauge interest on remaining in touch. Maybe bring this up at the end of the conversation (should you want to).

Keep your guard up. Biological parent doesn't equate to an immediate parent you can trust. Should a relationship develop, so will trust.

Also - your birth parents problems, back then or now, are not for you to become burdened with.
 

CuzzinOlaf

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Keep your guard up. Biological parent doesn't equate to an immediate parent you can trust. Should a relationship develop, so will trust.

I couldn't agree more with this. Not saying they'd try to take advantage of you for whatever reason but you never know. It'll take time but you'll be able to figure out if they have any sort of ulterior motive/agenda. This said, don't go in with that assumption either.
 

ChrisRac

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Just take things easy and slow. I'm sure you'll be fine. I know you already have been talking to your birth mother, but I'm sure when you meet in person you may have even more questions you might want to ask. You'll have your wife for support if you need it and don't hesitate to go to your wife if you do.

You got this Chris.

Yea, Lisa has been a huge help in this whole thing. From the day we started dating. I couldn't go through this meeting without her.

Serious question? What do you want out of it? Answer that question first and it might help guide you in what you should do with her.

From the start, my whole mindset has been "I want to find them to learn about my history." She's answered some questions already about that. But... you ready for this plottwist? She's adopted too! So there's no telling what kind of medical background we have as she has never tracked her biological parents down.

At the minimum, maybe ask about family health history. I know that can be very helpful in determining future issues for yourself and children.

Maybe ask what happened around your birth for them to make their decision, to help you with any closure?

Just approach it with an open heart and patience and I'm sure you'll come out fine and with some new answers/questions.

And maybe some new family members too! We talk almost every day (not necessarily full convos but exchange a few texts and its been great so far)

Are you meeting your father also on this trip, or just your mother?

No, just mother. Father lives in Atlanta and him and his wife are coming to Alaska this spring/summer

I think theres been a few good suggestions, maybe write things down ahead of time so you don't forget them, but other than that I would say just take things as they come. Try to understand things from their point of view when possible.

I actually was stumped at questions so like a lame-ass, I did some Googling to see what others asked their biological parents for the first time and am using some of those questions. Most are more of a "getting to know you" type question as opposed to a "why did you give me up" type question.

Sorry I'm just now seeing this. Banned from the group and banning him from the site.

Thank you. I saw that shit last night and was gonna get a hold of you but I'm glad John or whoever was able to as well.

also I would suggest not drinking during the trip as that can cause you to do or say something you might regret (good or bad)

I agree but I also think having some drinks in me (and her) will ease the situation a little. Time will tell.

Find out if you might actually be Italian!

Small portion. Ancestry.com DNA test says only 6%. Hahaha.

Thanks for the advice everyone. Will take all of it into consideration when I meet her for the 1st time Thursday morning!
 
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